-Build Friendships Not Warships-

-Build Friendships Not Warships-


Even Christ had friends, who were not disciples and He spent quality time with them. John 11:11, Jesus describes Lazarus as "Our friend". When Lazarus’ sisters sent word to Jesus that His friend was sick, He told His disciples they were all going back to Judea despite almost getting killed there.

I don’t like to brag, but I am always the best friend anyone could ever have...Until now.

These days, it is hard to know the difference between my friends and those who have crossed over to being an acquaintance. I simply have blamed it all on the fact that I am getting older. It is only natural for my friends list to thin out... It is easier to blame it on age? Please, don’t judge. Next time I will take responsibility.

I truly miss spending quality time with my friends, but I am glad I did it when I had the opportunity.

Technology is not helping matters in building friendships. The days of visiting and calling are officially over. It has been replaced with text messages via messengers and the social media handles.

Everyone is so busy now doing nothing in particular or pretending that their lives are way better now than others. They think friends do not matter and that’s their excuse for not keeping in touch. Even “BBM” pings and “Watsapp” messages take them forever to respond, what they do not know is that they are secretly building WARSHIPS!

Who will attend your wedding? Or your baby shower? Who will attend your anniversaries or your future birthday parties? Eventually, you will want to celebrate something one time or the other and who do you think are the best people to have?

Your new friends won’t laugh at your jokes and your new neighbours won’t always honour your invite. Trust me, new things eventually become old but old things stay classic, vintage and valuable over time! Old wine is far better than new wine. That is why there are “old friends associations”, “Old girls/boys clubs because old is the new future.

Building WARSHIPS is always an unconscious thing we creatively craft. We won’t know how high or how destructive our warships become until we are alone and we need people in our lives. That is when it hits us like a bat on our heads we no longer have friends but enemies.

When all else fails and we are not so busy anymore or we crave for other kinds of friendships than the ones our partners give where do we run? By the time, we finish building a massive WARSHIP with so many destructible weapons and launched poisonous missile that has destroyed years of care, love, trust and affection. Who do you confide in? When you call about 10 people to your house and only 1 show up just because they are the caterer, what do you do? One day, you might need to win a competition and it requires friends to like and share your posts, but few people respond to it. How do you manage?

Friends are the only ones who will always be there. Supporting us, reminding us who we once were when we forget our roots. So do not take them for granted or undervalue their importance in our lives but strive to keep a balance. It will never hurt us to try.

Communication in my own opinion is the only way to build and maintain friendships and not warships.

People are not sticks, they are flesh and blood with emotions, and they like to be celebrated, spoken to, complimented and invited. If you find it difficult to do all the aforementioned, then you had better be prepared for the war that is coming with the weapon you are unconsciously building. You will get to use your WARSHIP oo, you won’t build it for nothing.

*sighs*

People are the greatest assets in life. They are the best available resource so it will be a huge loss of perspective to not have a fair share of them on your side as friends.

If you are looking for real friends, become a real friend first. Stop gossiping, back biting, beefing and conspiring against other people.

Please be careful about the friends you keep and watch out for their values. If you are not mindful of the friends you keep, it could also ruin your life.

Therefore, let us build Friendships and not Warships. Remember the golden rule, do unto others what you will have them do unto you.

PS: If you are an old friend and you are reading this, I miss you terribly. Let’s spend quality time together soon. Calls will be nice too, but no texting is allowed...lol...It doesn't matter, let us just keep in touch, please!

Spread the word, Shine your light

  

                        -Pursuit of Success-

                       By Pastor Sam Adeyemi

Success is a word which makes many Christians uncomfortable because nowadays, the word is often used by advocates of self-reliance and self-help. The challenge, however, is that when the church finds that people are going to extremes on a particular subject, it runs away from it. When that happens, Satan moves in, occupies the space, gets people’s attention and influences the culture. Satan manipulates everything God created-money, sex, power and politics. When the church refrained from money, Satan moved in and took control of the economy. Today, money is one thing that control people’s thinking. When Jesus said you cannot serve God and mammon, He placed the demon that controls money on the same pedestal with God. Thankfully, we have recovered that space; even though it looks like we are going to the other extreme. Money is not everything. The church has resources which are more powerful than money (Acts 3:6). Peter healed a lame man without money and Jesus fed the crowd without money. When you have God’s perspective, your emotions will not fluctuate with the availability or non-availability of money.

Success is simply defined as the achievement of goals, objectives and aims. Man was designed to achieve goals- to be fruitful, productive, subdue, have dominion over, and control the earth(genesis 1:26-28). We derive fulfilment from the achievement of goals. When man does not achieve goals, he becomes frustrated. People who have no gaols have no motivation or hope. Not setting goals is like playing soccer match without goal posts. There is power in goal setting. Write down your goals and break them down into simple steps. Jesus told a story about a farmer who was covetous and did not remember God. So, when you are setting goals, you need to define whose goals you are achieving.

You were born for God’s purpose(Romans 8:28). In all your succeeding and endeavours, you need to know what God is saying. There is too much to your life for you to be an accident. Do not make your life an experiment. Read the story of Solomon who experimented with money, 1000 women, sex, power, comedy; he said that he did not deny himself of anything that his eyes loved. Yet, at the end of it all, he summarised all as vanity. Jesus met a woman by the well of Samaria whose longing was marriage. She felt she couldn’t do it without men when, in fact, she just needed God (John 4). Heremiah’s life was determined ahead of time. Since God has designed our lives from the beginning to the end, don’t pursue success with anxiety(Hebrews 4:1-3). When you align with God’s purpose, heaven’s resources are behind you. He declares the end from the beginning and no one can stop it in between. What God has purposed, He, not you, will do it (Isiah 46:9-11). Your purpose is in your design and it is too big to be only about you. Ultimate success is leadership and influence

Wisdom to See Freedom isnt Free...#BringbackOurGirls -Poem

-THE WISDOM TO SEE THAT FREEDOM ISN'T FREE-

Today, I empathize with mothers whose children have gone missing especially those whose children went missing 547days ago.

In utmost respect, I write my own thoughts below.

We must understand that it is a warfare and it can be understood as being biblical in nature

So am calling all Christ's soldiers who are spiritually mature

In one accord, lets #BringBackOurGirls and all missing children with tambourines, drums, flutes and our vocal cords.

Singing praises, giving the best dance moves to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords

Why the long faces, what did you think the weapon of rescue was?

Laugh out loud, praise is the only way we tear  down Jericho walls, rescue the captives and win wars.

So ring the alarm, let's continue to bring the enemy some deserving harm.

They lost this war already, more than two thousand years ago and more than two thousand years after, they are still losing steady.

Eventually, #GODWINS

Shine your light, Spread the word!

Birthday Girl

Today, I am celebrating my birthday and reflecting on the past 20+ years and I have concluded that they have been a krazy but good years. I have been through breaking my right hand, to wearing a cast for 6months, I have faced  being separated from my mum because of divorce to getting a new stepmother who is equally cool. I have participated actively in a band as a flute player in primary school to being a perfect in secondary school and I haven’t forgotten joining politics as the vice president of my department’s association in the University.

I have been loved, I have also taken love for granted and I have loved.

I have studied Estate management, Art, Business and Engineering...-Trust me, I read all these things through Christ that strengthens me-... I had my first published journal last year November in the prestigious JOM for engineers and  it was a dream come true.

I have had a series of disappointments majorly from the opposite sex but I have also had some uplifting moments.

It has been a real journey for me, I am totally feeling like a grown up but i wonder if I will ever be an adult...lol

The ups and downs have made life fun for a storyteller...I have a lot of experiences to share but I am only waiting for the right time to dish it all out.

I am a dreamer and still have alot under my sleeve... Although right now i have tried my hands in so many things but all so far haven’t yielded great returns but I am hopeful.

I know I still have alot to learn...I am constantly a work in progress but I am certain I am experienced enough to dish out what I have learnt so far...

Here it goes...

1. PUT GOD FIRST ...Well, this life is all about Him whether you believe it or not. So just ensure that you don’t get Him jealous by putting every other thing ahead of Him... All those that have eyes, let them read this and know now ooo...

2. BE THANKFUL ALWAYS... Off course, this will be on my No.2 ..not just because my name means “thank you “ in Yoruba ...(Oluwaseunayofunmimodupeola).. Whew, Long right?...  but because gratitude is everything. The more you are thankful for what you have, the more you have...It’s a proven principle.

3. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT, SO MAKE IT COUNT! I don’t think I need to elaborate this any further

4. SLEEP! SLEEP! AND SLEEP WELL! ...Sleep is extremely vital, it doesn’t mean you are lazy but means you are healthy...I am a dreamer so I am mostly asleep and achieve my dreams when I wake...

5.  FORGIVE LIKE CHILDREN DO...They forgive easily and forget all wrongs... It is the secret to a good life.

6. LOVE YOURSELF...ITS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN TRULY LOVE OTHERS  ...

7. DON’T EVER MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE...Trust me, it comes out all wrong eventually, but pleasure after business is awesome! lol

8. YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY CALLED LIFE SO WHEN YOU TRIP AND FALL WITH CHALLENGES/STRIVE &HATRED, HONEY GET UP AND DONT STAY ON THE GROUND FOR TOO LONG... In all my years -and I am Old, very, very old- I haven’t ever seen or read of someone that fell on the floor and refused to get up forever...Please, don’t be that person....Okay, maybe am not too old

9. YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE... Somethings gotta give ...

10. THE TRUE ENEMY ARE NOT PEOPLE; THEY ARE SPIRITUALITIES AND POWERS... It leads us back to number 1...Put God first, He only can save you from your true enemies

Lastly, don't ever forget to share the word and shine your light

PS: Happy Birthday to me

-A well received story from a successful blogger...What inspired "I'd Rather Be Self Made...the day I was picked up by Special Fraud Unit by Linda Ikeji"-

I'm going to be MIA for a few hours. I'm on my way to the US with my parents. They made them Chief and Lolo in our village and I wanted to take them abroad to spoil them a little...:-) (My dad's first time). Anyway, while I'm flying, I wanted to share a story that I've been meaning to share here for a while now...about why I decided to help some young ladies with start up capital for their small scale businesses. Please continue to read! (It's quite long o, so...-))

Before I became the popular blogger that I am today, I was a struggling entrepreneur. I started my modeling career in 1998 before I turned 18 and started my company Blackdove Communications in 2004 when I was just 23+. Blackdove was a modeling agency/events company and I operated from a 2-room office in Jibowu, Yaba for almost three years.

In 2006, I decided to try something that I'd always wanted to do - become a magazine publisher. My dream growing up was to be a journalist. These days many people argue whether I am a journalist or not. I don't consider myself one. I'm a blogger, though being a journalist was my dream. In fact, I wanted to study Mass Communications in the university but I unfortunately didn't get it. I got English instead. But I've always had a love for writing, putting stuff together, informing people about what's going on etc.

In in 2006, I mustered the courage and saved enough money to publish my own magazine. It was called FM&B (Fashion, Modeling and Beauty) magazine because that was my industry at the time. 

                                          

For my first edition, I used my photo (duh...lol) left. It took me months to put this together and I used money I made from my business to print the magazine. I did a grand launch and really hoped for the best. After it was released, I didn't recoup the money I'd spent on it but I knew I couldn't become a successful magazine publisher over night. I knew the road was long and hard and I had to keep at it, I knew I had to print more editions before people and sponsors could take me serious.

Anyway, I printed my second edition (right) and didn't recoup either. The vendors will take the magazine and not pay you. Some would claim they didn't sell...some, you would chase for your money for so long you'd get tired of chasing them and then you leave them alone. And it was especially hard to get adverts for a new magazine. I would go to companies and sit in their offices for hours, hoping they would buy advertising space in the magazine, but for where? Lol. I remember I offered a telecoms company my back page and inner pages for N100k but they were not interested ...lol. (now, na them they chase me with adverts...lol).

But I managed to get a few companies to advertise (I talked about it here in 2008 and later in 2009) - it took months of being on the road - going from one company to the other, convincing them to support the effort - still it wasn't enough to print the next edition so I had to once again use my own money to print the magazine. It was tough but I didn't want to give up. I wanted to succeed by all means and I knew consistency was the key. I figured by the time I was on my fifth edition, some companies would take me seriously and start to advertise and by the time I was on my 10th edition, I would be a well known magazine publisher like my mentor back then, Mrs Betty Irabor of Genevieve magazine. So 10 editions of the magazine was my goal - but I didn't go past the 4th edition - though I paid part payment for the 5th edition but it never came out.

                                                                     

Something happened with my 4th and last edition (right) that almost broke me...and that inspired 'I'd Rather Be Selfmade.'

You see, right from when I was young, sleeping with men for money/come up was never an option for me. In fact, I found girls who engaged in such back then, disgusting. Now that I am more mature, I kinda understand it, I don't condone it but I understand it and I am not so quick to judge these girls. That's why I'm trying to help girls with dreams instead of condemning girls who find different ways to survive. It's tough out there, guys!

Anyway, for my 4th edition, I didn't have enough money to print it...and I was so sad about it. The magazine was ready but no money to print. It was going to cost me N500k back in 2008 to print 2,000 copies and all I had with me was N150k. I needed N350k and I was determined to print this magazine. I wanted it to succeed by all means so I decided to do something I'd never done before. I went to the bank to get a loan.

There was a neighbor of mine back then who I found out was the chairman of a community bank on Ogunlana Drive Surulere (all community banks have since shut down). So I approached him for a loan ...N350k, the exact extra amount I needed to print the magazine. I promised that I would pay back once the magazine was published and I was able to get ad money out. This was in 2008. After weeks of going back and forth and the bank staff coming to my office in Surulere then to see where I was operating from, I was given a loan of N350k. They actually made out the cheque to the printing press so the money didn't come directly to me. It was a short loan - just three months - and I was supposed to pay back with interest and I was so sure that I would pay back - I had three months and I was a hard working girl, I believed I could do it. But you see, sometimes, life does what life is supposed to do - it happens! With no questions...life just happens.

For some weird reason, I was only able to pay back N100k after the three months deadline. By now I was owing close to N400k including interest. I asked them for more time, and they gave me time ..and I managed to pay another N150k or so after a few months. After then, I became stuck.

My business wasn't going well...and for months I was struggling. The guys from the bank came to my office and told me I had a month to pay up or they would have to do what they usually do get their debtors to pay, that the reason they hadn't done it up until then was because of my neighbour relationship with their chairman. I promised I was going to pay and a week or so later, I was able to pay another N30k.

And then very early one Monday morning, sometime in 2009, my younger sister, who used to work with me at Blackdove, Sandra, quietly entered my room and told me that some men were looking for me, that they were at the door and that she'd seen them talking with the bank chairman. She said she suspected that they were police men.

If I tried to describe to you how I felt at that moment, I wouldn't be able. I stopped breathing for at least 3 seconds. I told her not to let my parents or any other member of our family know the men were outside (Only she knew about the loan and actually went with me to get it). I found something to wear and went to meet the men outside. To be honest, I was hoping they were from the bank and not police men but when they introduced themselves to me (three of them) I froze. They said they were men from the Special Fraud Unit, Ikoyi, and they had been sent to bring me to their office to answer for a loan I took from a community bank and refused to pay back. I was going to ride in their marked anti-fraud unit car - sandwiched between two men.

I didn't want my parents to know what was going on (it would have killed my mum) so I quickly went back in, put on more appropriate clothes, told Sandra to follow their car in my car so she would go with me to their office. I remember sitting in that vehicle as they took me to their office in Ikoyi, and wondering how I got to that point. It was like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was happening. I got to their office and they made me sit down in front an officer who was handling the case. (Sandra was allowed in but she was sitting in another area.).

The officer brought out my case file, and said I was owing the bank N190k for almost a year and I wasn't going to leave their custody until the money was made available. You know, I've had bad days in my life...I mean, who hasn't? But up until that point, I'd never felt worse in my life. Nothing I'd ever experienced up until that day, sitting in front of this man, and beside other offenders/debtors, was anything close to this. Nothing! Even now, I can't even express how I felt that day, what was going through my mind. I felt like a failure. I remember my eyes welled up, because I knew I didn't have N190k and I didn't know anyone who could loan me. I started to explain to the officer, then I began to beg...and I talked and talked and then I began to cry. I couldn't believe the situation I was in. I knew it would break my parents hearts if they found out where I was.

I remember Sandra just sitting there and looking at me...and trying to be strong. She was broken to see me so broken but she kept it together. She started calling people, asking for a loan, I heard her from where I was sitting, calling friends and asking if they could loan her money. No luck. We were there for hours, eventually the officer came to me and said they'd decided to be lenient, that they would give me a month to pay the N190k back to the bank and failure to do so would be automatic arrest and I would not be released until the money was paid. They gave me a form to sign but said I needed a surety and without a surety I would not be released that day. I called a friend who came and signed for me. The officers told him they were releasing me to him and would also pick him up if I failed to pay up. Fortunately he agreed and that was how I was released. I was there from morning till evening and those hours were some of the worst hours of my life. Thankfully, other members of my family didn't immediately know this happened to me. (They found out months later).

But fortunately I recovered quickly. I knew there was no time to mourn. I had just one month to raise N190k or myself and my surety would be picked up and locked up.

Today, I have shoes that cost more than N190k, but back then, that was a lot of money to me...and I didn't have it. So for the next two weeks, I put myself on the road. I started chasing all the agencies owing me money. I ran up, down, to a hole, up a ladder and every where in between and finally raised the money which I paid back to the bank. It was an ordeal but it was finally over!

                                                                      

Months later, I raised some more money to print my 5th edition (above). The content was finished but once again, I didn't have enough money to print it. I had only N200k and I needed N500k. I wasn't ready to give up on this dream. No way! But of course I wasn't going to go to a bank again..lesson learned there...lol. So instead I turned to the printers. I told them I had only N200k and would pay them the balance of N300k when the magazine was out. One printer agreed, took my money and half way into the job told me he couldn't go further without any more money. He basically held me to ransom. I pleaded and threatened for months and they wouldn't budge, wouldn't print without more money and one day I was like, 'you know what?' I give up! I'm done!' I told them to keep the money and the magazine, that I was done. I was just tired of it all. And that was the end of that dream.
Then I decided to face another business idea. I wanted to start a fashion, modeling and beauty school. This time I went to real banks (not community banks..lol). None, not even one looked at my business proposal. I was hoping to get N1million to start this business, but no bank was even willing to talk to me. After months of chasing this idea, looking for money etc, I also gave up on it and moved to the next thing!
This was in 2010. I turned 30 that year and I remember having the worst day of my life - so far - on my 30th birthday. I'd lost my office, I'd given up on my magazine dream. My other businesses weren't doing well. I'd been hustling since I was 17 and I thought that by now I would have made it, but here I was at 30, losing it all (or so I thought) and starting all over again.
But you see, in all of it, no matter how bad a day I had, no matter how tough it was, no matter the other dreams I gave up on, there was something I never stopped doing, I never stopped blogging. I would cry, wipe my tears, pick up my laptop and blog. If I didn't have internet at home, I would go to a cybercafe, pay for time and blog there. This work/passion ultimately changed my life.
Sometime in 2012, when I'd started making money from blogging, a young lady talked to me about her struggles. She needed just N85k to start a nail and eye lash studio. She had someone who was willing to give her space to operate from, but she needed money for other equipment needed for the business. She told me that N85k would change her life and that of her family. She wasn't even asking me for the money, she was just talking about her struggles and how hard it's been for her to raise capital. She mentioned she'd approached a bank for a loan and no bank was willing to give her. She said she didn't know how else she'd get the money but sugar daddy wasn't an option. I remember smiling and I made the decision right there and then to give her the money for her business.
I remembered my life as a struggling entrepreneur, getting picked up by the Anti-Fraud Unit over N190k. I remembered how much help I needed and how little I got. How nobody could really help because they had their own issues and struggles. I remembered my dark days. I remembered all the people I begged to help me, to believe in me, to believe in my dreams. I remembered all the doors that were shut in my face. All the office receptions I sat in for hours. All the Nos I heard. All those who turned their backs. And how sometimes, I just wanted to give up. And I knew there were plenty girls like me out there, with ambition, with dreams, with fire burning in their soul...but who can't get far because they have no one to help, not just with money but also with words. And I made up my mind that day, that whenever I get to a position where I could help other young ladies with dreams and aspirations, I would help. Because I've been through it myself, I know how difficult it is to start or run a business in this country. That's why I want to focus on young ladies with dreams and good business ideas.
So far, I've touched 15 lives (see here)...I hope in my lifetime, that I am able to touch thousands more. God willing. This is the project I've decided to take up. For as long as I remember my over 8-hour ordeal at the Special Fraud unit in Ikoyi, I will always be here to help a female entrepreneur - if not with money, then with advice and guidance.
In 2010, I wrote an inspirational book titled 'It Takes You' to encourage people not to give up on their dreams. I spent a lot of money to get this published because being an author was one of my dreams and I was determined to realize that dream. I made it come through!...:-)

A few months later, I shut down my office (after my landlady increased my rent - I could not afford to pay it). I gave out some of my office equipment, sold some and packed the rest of my things and went home. I was going to continue operating my business from home.

I struggled o. I used to do an annual fashion show called Style Night. I did it from 2004 to 2010. (see some pics here, and herehere). I also tried to do a reality show called Nigeria's top model search with Linda Ikeji...no sponsor. I give up...lol. Catwalk with Linda TV show..no sponsor, I give up! Lol

                           

I was still working on my dreams when companies started asking me for advert rates for my blog. I created my ad rate in early 2011 and my life hasn't been the same since. I left everything else and concentrated on this. Sandra is now the CEO of Blackdove...:-)

Sandra and I (Sandra worked with me at Blackdove from 2004 when I started until 2011 when she took over the company. She was my rock for years! I doubt I love anyone more. She's older than my other sister you all know, Laura. )

                         

Anyway, I plan to do all I can to help as many young women as I can. I'm using my money for now but I would eventually talk to rich people and corporate bodies to get involved and raise as much as it's possible as start-up capital for young female entrepreneurs. Too many unemployed individuals in this country. Let's start creating jobs instead of always looking for one. Plus I don't want anti-fraud people coming to knock on your door...lol.. or you turning to men. I hope all your dreams come true...and I hope no matter how tough it gets, you never give up.

Credit: Lindaikeji.blogspot.com

-RE: Tosin Akingboye: Thou Shall Not Be A Hypocrite-

I read the piece by Tosin Akingboye: “thou shall not be a hypocrite” on bellanaija.com and I just couldn’t help but respond to it...


As much as I understand and respect the message Tosin was passing about -not being judgemental- I totally do not agree with it. *sighs*

First and foremost, what would our world be if judgmental statements are not made ehn?

B-o-r-I-n-g...

That’s what my answer would be because people should be able to make their opinion about someone else even if they are guilty of the same thing.

That’s my opinion and It counts!

Let us be completely honest with ourselves, we all judge each other, whether we say it out loud or not. Right now, I am judging a fellow blogger like myself and you are probably judging me too.

Especially when i was reading the part of the feud Tosin had with her friend, it was already giving me all kinds of opinions about Tosin and that might make me judgmental but so are you.

One way or the other we form our own opinions based on our value system about the way other people look, the way they spend money, what they spend money on,  the way they eat, the way they talk, their choice of a partner and the ability of their skills in parenting.

We all do it one way or the other and I think it’s healthy...I really do think it is- Not just because I want to say something different but because the only thing I find wrong with judgmental statements is when you crown it all up with a condemning comment.

Well, just like the remove the log in your eye phrase...I like to remove the mucus in other people’s eye especially when I know I have the same mucus in my own eye. It gives me the right expertise to know just what the mucus feels like and what removal agents to use...lol...

Let us be realistic with each other, we live in the age of the opinionated personalities, where personal thoughts are made public and headlines. It sells! We love to read it! Don’t be too defensive... It is a circle of judgment to infinity.

Remember, our judgments are just judgments...No harm in it only when we start to condemn.

“Condemn not, or you will be condemned. For the same way you condemn others, you will be condemned and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

That is a different side to this whole drama...This is where I agree with Tosin...”Thou can judge but Thou must not condemn”.

What’s the difference? You might ask...Well, let me break it down for you using Tosin’s illustrations of her friend...

Tosin’s friend tells her someone else is sleeping with a man for money and forming a good Christian in church... That is been judgmental and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Remember it is only her own opinion and she is entitled to it despite the fact that she is also sleeping with someone else but for love. Same sin, but different motives based on their individual value system...I tag this is a positive thing....

I know, I am a bad teacher! Judge me! It’s your opinion...You are entitled to it.

Another scenario will be Tosin’s friend telling Tosin that someone else is sleeping with a man for money and she is forming a good Christian in church which is a sin that will make her end up in hell...Now, that is condemnation and it is absolutely not healthy and I do not encourage it.

Besides, it makes the whole situation too serious and scary and takes the fun out of the conversation.

If Tosin had tagged her write up “Thou shall not condemn” then, just then would I have completely agreed with her because we all have opinions and we sometimes say them out loud if given the opportunity but we need good judgments and less condemnation. Our conversations will be more productive if they are more open-handed and open-ended than confrontational...Just learnt these phrase..

I should be able to judge you and you should be able to judge me...Call it critic...Tag it whatever you like but no matter how much we try to slam the “thou shall not be a hypocrite card” we must realize that we are all hypocrites one way or the other because no one is perfect but that doesn't mean we should not speak out when we see things that are not in line with our value system...It is our opinion that should count.

What we must never do is condemn each other to poverty, solitary confinement or even hell...

I have said my piece...Please don’t judge me! lol

Share the word! Shine your light!

-THE TRANSGENDER ANALYSIS-

-THE TRANSGENDER ANALYSIS-

Once upon a time, an architect built two beautiful houses and gave each house to his two children; a male and a female. The house was cautiously built with no detail left undeveloped. The building functioned so well that all the child had to do was maintain what was already put in place. The builder who had a great attention to details ensured that the house was not confused when the two children who were to live in it looked at it. They were just perfect to match the identities that the children had; masculine and feminine qualities so deeply rooted that an alteration will be life threatening.

He toiled night and day, 9months to be exact to ensure that the houses came out right. A lot of investment was placed in those houses just so his children can fulfil their individual purpose without any hindrances. He laboured so much that the day he finally gave the houses to them he looked at it and proclaimed that it was very good and then he went on a journey. The children on the other hand didn’t hesitate in occupying their new home.

As time went by, the children started to realized that the houses given to them by their father had its highs and lows. It was supposed to be cleaned, scrubbed, maintained and they were supposed to ensure that it didn’t collapse. Although built to withstand seasons; it needed care, a lot of love and appreciation to stand the test of time. It was obvious that the builder was a master mind and a professional in his field but the children started to feel the lows more than highs and the house gradually started to become a burden to them.

Unfortunately, as the children grew older in the house built specifically for them, they started to feel like they didn’t belong in that house anymore. They saw other people’s houses and preferred other’s than what they had; the male wanted his sister’s house and the female wanted her brother’s house. They didn’t think it was selfish, greed or covetousness, they just thought that they were old enough to know exactly what they wanted and the house built specifically for them by their father wasn’t just what they wanted.

For a long time, they just maintained the house but gradually started to change it into what they really wanted. Piece by piece, they replaced what was originally there into what they thought ought to be there. Besides, they were the ones who had to live in the house anyway, therefore, they thought it was only fair to turn it into what they felt was most comfortable for them.

When they had visitors come into the house, they felt invaded. They felt like the house was attracting the wrong set of people and their new design would eventually attract the kind of individuals they wanted into their houses.

Slowly but sadly, they turned the houses into their own and didn’t consult their father as a sign of respect for the house given to them as a gift in the first place.

What they failed to remember is that the house will be left behind one day. They didnt even care to ask their father why he built the house for them in the first place.The intended use of the house wasn't only for them to dwell in it, but for them to use it for the Glory of their father. 

The builder didn’t design the house to last forever. It was just a temporary accommodation for them to inhabit until he comes back from his journey. Eventually, they will have to leave the house behind and live with their father when he comes back from his journey. They hadn’t thought about what they would tell him, how they would convince him that the initial house built wasn’t what they wanted. 

Is it that he didn’t know them well enough to build a house they will grow up to love or they were just too self absorbed to only be thinking of aesthetics than functionality. Maybe their father; the creator should have consulted them first before initially building the houses for them.

Whatever reasons they have, they must get ready to be accountable for their actions because when their father eventually returns, he will want some answers.

With all that said, the builder’s children didn’t think that their actions were selfish, they thought it just right. Life was about them anyway and if they aren’t comfortable with what they have, they have the right and ability to turn it into what they want.

I can only imagine how the builder will feel when he returns to find out that what he had purposely built for them to inhabit had been destroyed and a new building put up just because they have the ability to do so.

Our bodies were built to house our souls/spirit and God designed each body to fit the soul occupying that body. We may redesign the body anyway we can but the soul will always be either masculine or feminine, that cannot be changed. You can change the cover of a book, but the content will still be the same. Nothing changes eventually...

When the builder -our creator- returns and finds out what they have done to their bodies, the housing created for their spirit/soul, will he be proud? If you were the builder-their father- would you be proud?

Share the word, Shine your light

T.D. Jakes - "Unbroken"

This one of the most inspiring interviews to watch. It is a show of how God's power keeps people who have been through life threatening situations, their ability to pull through just so they can tell their story and He can take the Glory.



This is to all those strong girls/women- God bless you-



Share your story, Shine your light.